Rules for Texas Driving

I don't really like driving. Never did. Why drive when you can sit back and let your cute and driving-savvy husband enjoy the task?

Anyway, bottom line: Texas driving is scary! Here are some funny (but oh so true) rules for driving in Texas. I seriously encounter each one all the time. :)

1) Never ever get in the way of a Texas pickup truck.
2) Turn signals are clues as to your next move. A real Texas driver never uses them. And, if said driver sees someone else use turn signals, he will use this weakness to his best advantage by thwarting all lane change attempts.
3) Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you. The space will be immediately filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
4) Crossing 2-5 lanes in a single lane change is considered "going with the flow". If you are in a lane changer’s way, that’s your problem.
5) The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
6) Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.
7) Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Texas driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
8) Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape, keeps the existing litter from getting lonely and gives Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean up. (I have literally dodged rolling tires, garbage cans, and a mattress)
9) Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding. When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going.
10) Don’t bother to move out of the way for emergency vehicles. No one else does.
11) If you actually stop at a yellow light, you may be rear-ended, sworn at, or possibly shot.
12) Working brake lights are optional. It’s fun to watch the people behind you when you stop.
13) You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the feeder road like everyone else. This is how Houston residents notify Texas Department of Transportation where exits should have been built.

Remember, Drive Friendly!